One Minute To Make Your Marriage
There is one minute in the day that research shows is the most crucial to a healthy marriage. It is not when you wake or go to sleep; it is when you come home at night. The first minute a couple spends together is the most important moment of the day.
Years ago author Max Lucado, called it the “ten minute rule.” Having been a marriage counselor for over a decade, I concur. Two things I tell every couple, get out of debt and understand how crucial the first moments together each evening really are; indeed they set the tone of your marriage.
This means for ten minutes upon reuniting there can be no talk of work, bills, kid problems, in-laws, your boss, some rude driver on the road or anything else other than what will build up your partner and relationship.
When you understand that every person on the planet has a need for love, then you can see that in the moments you spend together with your partner you are either fulfilling one of their deepest needs or taking it away.
Millennia ago Aristotle said that people are social animals. We have an innate need of one another. Find someone who is lonely and you will surely find someone who has done little to give love, because what you give is what you get. If you want more love, then know everyone else on the planet does as well and work to give out as much as you can and in the end you will receive it in return.
Why is love such a high need? There was a time for everyone that love was given unconditionally, and a majority of human behavior is an attempt to regain that perfect gift. Though there are exceptions, the vast majority of people experienced unconditional love from their mother, at least for a short time.
When you were born you had massive amounts of love and attention given by your mom. She was there to hold and comfort you and came at your beck and call to care for your every need. In a very real sense, this was heaven. But it was short lived, because at some point you heard a word that shocked you, she told you ‘no’. Suddenly she didn’t give you exactly what you wanted, and you learned, rightly or wrongly, that to get the love and approval you once received so effortlessly you had to perform.
It is time to stop believing that love is performance based. Understand your need for love, your partner’s need for love, and become a giver. Don’t seek love for your own self, seek to give love because at your heart it is a part of who you are.
