Fulfilling The Need To Be Needed

Studies show that 90% of marital problems could be resolved if one person in the relationship were able to put themselves in the other person’s shoes.

Dr. Stanton Samenow, who has spent 40 years trying to understand crime and the criminal mind, shares that a lack of empathy may be the source of most human misery.

Understanding that we all need to feel significant will help you understand why people do what they do, and enable you to see things from another person’s perspective. (You don’t have to agree with them, but you will understand them.)

Every person needs to know their life matters, that they are unique, that they have significance. Some people meet this need through piercings and tattoos, others through having the biggest problems, whether real or imagined. (If you have ever met someone who wants to one “down” everyone else about how difficult their week has been, you are seeing the need for significance in action.)

Some get significance by loving, some by greed, others by spirituality, and many by being always trying to win an argument. As with all human needs, significance can be met in ways that serve or harm others. (Simply put, you can be significant by building the biggest business, and you can be significant by tearing everyone else’s down.)

As Tony Robbins shares, one sure way to get significance is anger. When you see someone angry, you are often witnessing someone who is feeling insignificant. Why? Because anger gets everyone’s attention, and people tend to give the loud person space and attempt to placate them, thus instant significance.

In a more healthy way, the truth is, you can meet your need for significance by simply knowing your life is unique because there has never been another you.

The more important question to ask is, how can I help my loved ones feel significant? How much significance do I give them by my attention and affection? And for those who are married, does my spouse feel they are the most important thing in my life, and more importantly do they know they are? (No one will stay in a relationship if they are fourth, fifth, or sixth place in someone else’s life.)

Since it is true that living is giving, why not find healthy ways to let those who matter in your life know that they really do matter in your life.